Your heart may be broken and magazine relationship experts may be telling you to “take your time” and enjoy long hot baths in the midst of your turmoil, but there’s a lot of work to do in order to untangle your life from your ex’s. You’ll have to go through the uncomfortable process of deciding how to divvy-up shared items. You may need to open new bank accounts and close old ones. In some cases, long discussions occur about the primary custody of a pet. And one – if not both – of you will need to find a new place to live.
Starting Over
Assuming there are no children involved, the biggest issue for most people during a break-up is who lives where. It sounds obvious until you happen to be on the “moving” end, but at least half of the individuals in a failed live-in relationship are going to relocate – not “moving on” in the emotional sense, but literally packing and moving to a new home. In some cases, both parties decide to relocate for more convenient access to work, a less expensive place to live or even simply a new home unassociated with memories of the relationship.
A new house may be the right choice for many looking to locate. It’s a buyer’s market and equity is something gained, not lost. Obviously, consider distance to work as well as from friends when making the decision. Also ask yourself the question if you want to get tied down to a mortgage at the moment, and if so, what you can afford. You likely have grown accustomed to sharing expenses with another person, so budget carefully before rushing into a mortgage.
If you’re not ready to buy a home, the variety and quantity of Denver apartments gives you a lot of options. If necessary, put your things in storage for a month, live in an executive long-term rental and take your time looking for a great new space to call home. You’ll intermittently be mourning the end of a relationship throughout the upcoming months; there’s no need to add salt to your wounds by rushing into a lease in an apartment you’re not happy with.
First, be honest with yourself. You’ve just been through a break-up. When a relationship ends, it makes a huge impact on your life, and whether it’s good or bad, the result should be a renewed focus on yourself. Talk to your friends about what you are going through, share with them as necessary. If a few months start to pass and you don’t find yourself hopeful for the future, you may have some unresolved feelings that you need to address. Therapy is a great resource for those seeking closure and outside guidance. Below are some other ways you can work through the process. Remember that people go through break-ups every day and live to see brighter days.
The goal for any separation is for two adults to part ways as painlessly as possible. Unfortunately, it’s rare that two people reasonably and rationally decide that it’s best for their relationship to end at the same time with similar reactions. One party always seems to more emotionally hurt, angrier or “done wrong” than the other. It’s easy to understand why it’s difficult to let go and move on in the psychological sense. But don’t succumb to wallowing in misery; challenge yourself to make some positive changes. Here are some tips to help you do that:
- Take up some form of daily exercise. This could be a tai chi class at your local YMCA, getting back into running or beginning a weight-lifting program. Any type of physical “work” will help improve your mood and outlook.
- Practice smiling. Seriously. Set a goal for yourself for X number of smiles per day. Research shows it tricks the brain into thinking that you really are happy and the brain sends out more happy signals to the rest of your body.
- Make your new home your own space with decor you enjoy. There’s no longer a second person’s opinion to consider.
- Depending on your time and financial situation, consider adopting a pet. It is amazing how many stresses can be relieved by being around an animal that’s constantly happy to see you. Plus, if you adopt a dog, you have no choice but to get out of the house and go for a walk, which is good for your mental state. But make sure you have the time to devote to caring for a pet, as well as a new apartment or home where you can have a pet.
Welcome Home
Do everything within your means to mend yourself emotionally. Recognize, however, that this process might involve less navel-gazing and more tangible actions such as doing 25 pull-ups or cleaning out your closet. Your outer work might symbolize what your heart already knows: you’re getting stronger with each passing day.